Just a short posting this morning. My counselor would like to see me start writing again, but I have searched and I just don’t seem to have anything to write about anymore. My life is just existing and that is it.
Today is going to be a bad day, I can tell it already, I didn’t get any sleep last night until 2:30 this morning and then I got two hours of sleep, so I am going to be tired, plus, I cried most of the way in to work, I just don’t like my life and the way it is, but I don’t have the strength or deep enough desire to change it, and I don’t like that. I am still emotional, and it will soon be time to start work and co-workers will start coming in.
I had to set a goal for this week, and after a lot of thinking, it is to not have a soda this week. I have to have something that I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can do. I just don’t feel very strong.
Anyway, I wrote, and that’s where I am right now in my life. countrygirl29
A couple of thoughts, Peggy. Write about the small things that you notice and then find yourself even minutely brighter. Your tears have filled an ocean, where can you sail upon it’s gentle waves? If you are weak, try to avoid failure. You would find it more pleasant to add something of pleasure to your life rather than once again give something up. As we grow older, it’s what we add to our diets, healthy fruits and vegetables that count for more than what we take away – even carbs, sugars, and fats! Focus on each breath and give thanks that you breathe and still cling to life. Write about the life you wish you were living – not the need to sleep the one you have away, but the one that blossoms in dreams and in the eyes of your surviving children. Focus on now. Namaste.
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A few thoughts for you about your sleep issues and the hip pain, etc in your bed. I have had the same problem for years. A big help for me was several years ago when we purchased a Sleep Number bed. It is wonderful, but I know it is an expensive alternative. I also have about a three inch memory foam topper on the bed, which is something that might be affordable for you. You should really look into it and see if it is something you can do for yourself. It can make a world of difference, and getting a good night’s sleep can make a huge difference in how you feel and how you are able to cope.
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