February 28, 2014

The last day of February, unbelievable that the month has gone by so quickly!  I’m trying to start eating healthier but I had to go off the healthy eating today because my brother took me out for lunch today.  We were eating and he told me he was dizzy.  Then, later when the food came, he really struggled with being able to use his fork, and when he talked with me, it sounded like his mouth was full of mush.  Other than that, though, he’s pretty much been himself.

my blood sugar has been running really high for the past several weeks, in the upper 200’s and lower 300’s.  the battery in my insulin pump died, so I replaced it.  The next morning the battery was dead again, so I changed the battery again, this time with a battery from a different package, and the next morning the battery was dead again, so I called the medtronic company and they talked me through several steps of testing.  Before they would send a replacement pump, they wanted to send a new cover for the battery compartment first.  I got it yesterday and put it on.  Sine then, my sugar has been in the low 100’s!

i worked a few hours this afternoon after we had lunch and then I stopped on my way home and got a few ‘healthy’ foods to eat.  I still have to go fix me something to eat tonight.

I was just listening to the weather and they are talking about two inches of ice followed by about six inches of snow this weekend.

A little while ago I actually found myself thinking about Jennifer and Jeff, and realizing that I am finally  starting to accept their deaths and being able to move on.  I still miss them terribly, but I know I will see them again someday, and as fast as the days, weeks and months are flying by, it won’t be very long.  The hurt is still there, but I think I am starting to ‘deal’ with it and accept it better.  I don’t sit and cry every time I think about them now, just sometimes!

I really need to stop and try to force myself to fix something to eat, but I’m just too tired to really want to.

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February 27, 2014

I have gone through two days without a soda, if I make it through today, that will make it three!  Yay!

i felt really good yesterday, got a few things done, like some laundry, dishes and looked up some recipes for juicing.

I’ve been trying some juicing for breakfast since breakfast is one of the meals that I don’t know what I want.

I need to do some more laundry but really want to lean back and take a nap already.

More later.

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February 24, 2014

I can’t believe the month of February is almost over!  Although this is not leap year, I was thinking about my Grandpa Wallace.  He was eighty-nine when he passed away, and he was born in leap year of 1872.  He used to tell my brother and I that he only had a birthday once every four years!  It’s just so shocking to realize he was born in 1872!  I never got to see him very much, but I can remember  he always had lemon drop hard candy in his pocket and he always shared them with us.  He also taught me how to clean fish and I think of him every time I do it, which isn’t very often anymore.  I’m going to attach a picture of  grandpa and grandma when they were young.  I have it hanging on the foyer wall of my house.

  Unless they move around in the order that I have attached them, the next two pictures are those of my great grandparents, and then a picture of my mom with her dogs, taken and developed by my daughter, Rebecca.

before I went in to work this afternoon, I stopped at Petco to check on some cash rewards that I had, and, while I was waiting in line, I saw dog identity tags and bought one for my grandpuppy and will give it to him tomorrow.

They had an engraving machine where I did the engraving myself.  The back of it has both my daughter’ sand my phone number on it.  I need to get one for both Mosie and Annie, but I also need to get them a collar to where and put the tag and their rabies tags on it, too!

I just heard just a few minutes ago that we may gave some more light snow around Wednesday and Thursday.

I decided to fix me a couple of chicken strips for dinner tonight, even though I shouldn’t eat this late at night.

Right after I lost my son Jeff, I went through a period of a couple of months where I ate nothing when I was at home except sour cream and pork rinds, and I find tonight that I’m back on that mode as far as snacks go, but at least there are no carbs in them!

i guess I will go for now,and eat my chicken strips.

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February 23, 2014 (2)

It’s been a very long day!  I worked this morning until noon.  I had stopped at Hardee’s to grab a bite of breakfast and ran into some former neighbors from when we lived at the other house and we must have stood there talking for close to an hour.  After work I picked up a prescription and was so tired that I came on home instead of doing a couple of errands.  The problem is, I gave done absolutely nothing since getting home except sit in the recliner and play with my iPad.  I just can’t seem to get motivated to do anything.

I find myself wondering what’s wrong with me, I’m hungry but I don’t know what I want to eat, and when I think of something, I go into the kitchen but then I don’t want to fix anything.  Since I’m sitting my grandpuppy tonight and my daughter will come and get him when she gets off work, I called her and asked her if she would bring me a taco salad, which she is going to do.

This has just been one of those days where I am completely lacking any kind of motivation.  I know that’s ok, but it makes me depressed to just sit and do nothing.  My mind tells me to get up and do something, but my body just won’t listen and do it.

I’m supposed to be off work tomorrow, but I will probably need to go in for a while as there is another special project for me to start working on, plus, I didn’t get all the scanning finished today from Thursday and Friday.

I still just sit here and look at things and try to tell myself to get up and just do one thing, but I can’t!.  Guess I’m going to go for now.  I hope I sleep better tonight, I was up last night from about 1:00 until around 4:30 this morning.  I am finding that I just don’t wasn’t to sleep, but I don’t know why.  The only thing I can think of is that I still have an awful lot of stuff on my mind that I’m trying to deal with.

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February 23, 2014

There’s just something about being up alone during the middle of the night that makes me more vulnerable to many things, both good and not so good!  If I find myself missing my two older children so much that I need to cry, I can do so without having to hide those tears for fear of  comments such as, ‘I know you miss them, sis, it miss Mom, too’. Don’t get me wrong, I, too, miss Mom, but losing a child goes so much deeper than losing a mom, and even as I write those words, I find myself feeling those are unfair words, for I think of losing my oldest daughter and the fact that she was barely thirty-five when I lost her, but not only did I lies my daughter, but my grandchildren lost their mother before they had even graduated from high school and some of them even before they ever started to school.

If you’re on Facebook with me, you know that tonight has been an emotional night for me, missing my children.  If you’re not on Facebook with me, my friends, and you do Facebook, feel free to send out a friend request to me, as I would love to know what’s happening in your life, too!

Over the past week or so, I can feel the closeness of Jennifer as she would hang up the phone with the last words of ‘I love you, Mom’, or, as we would part from each other to go home, it was also a hug, as well as the I love you, Mom.  And I can hear my Jeff saying ‘I love you, Moma’ as he would come walking down the hallway or going out the front door.

Being up during the middle of the night is also peaceful and a good night to really feel God’s presence aLl around me.  but, it’s also a time of missing having someone special in your life to enjoy doing things with as a couple, but that’s something that cannot be dwelled upon, I just have to find my own way, and when the road that my life follows gets bumpy, I know I cannot rely on someone else being there to smooth the pathway.

Changing the subject completely, by one hundred degrees, I need to take a really good look at my yard later today when it is daylight.  When my grandson and I were leaving the house this morning, it looked like my front yard had some sunken spots in it, and I’m not sure why unless it is just from the weight of the snow being on it for such a long time.

I had not seen Strider, my, I guess you could say my grand turtle that I have custody of right now,who had belonged to my son, Jeff, for quite some time.  He currently lives in an aquarium in my hallway and likes to hide under a towel that Jeff had kept in his box when Jeff was alive (I have more than one, yes, so it can be washed and kept clean) and I don’t usually pick up the towel, I wait for Strider to come out from under it.  Well, yesterday, as I was passing the aquarium, I noticed Strider was in his little pool of water and, I suppose, was raking a bath.  Jeff was so proud of his turtle and the fact that he had been able to keep Strider alive since finding him as a very small turtle.  when Jeff would put clean water in the dish, he used to tell me that if he ever had any kids, you knew how to test the water temperature for bath water!

I guess I’m just rambling on and on now, and the tears of missing my children have slowed down, so I’m going to try to Keanu back in the recliner and go back to sleep, UNLESS I get started okay ing games on my iPad again while I drink my glass of water.

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February 22, 2014

George Washington’s birthday, WOW!  And how long has it been since I actually thought about George Washington’s birthday?  Probably years!  We only hear anymore about Presidents’ Day, not the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and George Washington  like we did when I was in school!  Everyone knew about both of these presidents and what they meant to our country, but it seems that now a days, you don’t really hear much about them.  I guess I am writing this because I just had a good friend message me a picture of Abraham Lincoln holding his dog on his lap.  It was a really nice picture, and then when I started to write this post, I realized today was washington’s birthday, not Lincoln’s and I thought seriously about messaging back and saying it was the wrong picture for today, and I may still do that, just for the fun of it!

It’s been a tiring day, but they all are, even though I am now retired, I’m still wiped out by the end of each day, but probably part of that is because I am up a lot during the middle of the night.  I wish I slept better, and maybe someday when my mind is not so full of so many things, maybe, just maybe, I will be able to sleep better.

I had one of my grandsons today until about 2:00, when his dad got off work, and then I went in to work for about three hours.  I came home and just kind of veggied out in the recliner where I have pretty much stayed all evening.  I was really kind of hoping my daughter read the text message that I sent to her before she gets off work, asking if she would pick me up a taco salad on her way here to get grandpuppy to take home with her.  I know she has put in a long day today, she was supposed to work from 8:30 to 8:30, and she’s probably working a little later because she has not come by yet to get JayJay.

I feel almost like I have been cutting out paper dolls for the past hour, as I have been cutting out some items to scan into the patient charts when I go in to work tomorrow.  Between that and playing too many games on my iPad, my eyes are really tired.

I think I just heard my daughter pull into the driveway, and I am surprised grandpuppy didn’t hear her, I guess he’s just really tired.

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February 21, 2014

Over the past few days, I have downloaded several games on my iPad, and have been completely consumed with playing them all the time.  I don’t know why, but tonight i am absolutely bored with them.  Not just the games, but I am bored with everything on the iPad and Internet.

i have received a few emails that I have tried to reply to, but the emails will not go through, I get the message that the emails could not be sent because the server does not accept relay, and I have no idea what that means.

im grandpuppy sitting right now until my daughter gets off work.  My little grandpuppy is so tired!  He has taken over  the recliner my brother uses, but I guess that’s ok since I found out after I got home tonight that my brother decided to go down to the country today and will probably come back tomorrow.  I didn’t know he was going to go, so when I got home tonight, I was pretty worried.

my little J J is now sleeping in my lap.  Every time he hears a car door, he gets up, thinking his Moma is home, but it’s not time for her to get off work yet.  

 

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February 17, 2014

I’m getting sleepy, but it’s 10:30, so it’s time to go to bed.  I’ll probably sleep in the recliner as I have stuff piled in the hallway that needs to be put away, boxes of things from the kitchen.

I can now see the kitchen floor again and have been able to clean the floor, too!  I have talked with a couple of people about the best way to clean my laminated floor and then did quite a bit of research online and came up with my own combination of cleaner.  I mix amonia free windex  and water in a plastic spray bottle, mixing about onE-third windex and two-thirds water and shaking it good to mix it.  I barely spritz it on a small section of the floor and wipe it using the swiffer with the bottle of cleaner that I used to use removed because my hand would accidentally hit the button and the spray would come out.  Then, I have a bottle with only water in it and I lightly spritz it on the same area of floor and go over it again.  It no longer dries with streaks  and it dries quickly because of the alcohol in the windex.  I’m very pleased with the way it cleans.

I said on Facebook that I had played on the iPad all day, but I resell that wasn’t true.  This morning I worked off and on in the kitchen still trying to get it back into a presentable order, then, at noon I took a two hour nap, but I didn’t sleep good last night again.  Then around six I took my brother to the grocery store.  He has really gone down in his health since his fall.  He finally started using a cane, and he told me he knew he needed to but just hated doing so.

The cabinet that I ordered for my bathroom came today so I will have to put it together soon.

I just took my Mosie outside, he was at the back door ringing the bell I have hanging on the knob.

I don’t think I realize that I am retired yet, mostly because when I retired, my house was still a mess from the remodeling that was done, so there is always something that I can piddle around with at this time.  I dont know what it would be like to get up of a morning, get dressed and have nothing to do.  That’s probably going to be a while, though because I have the garage to do, yo.

I’ve been trying to drink chocolate milk that is made out of chocolate syrup, but it just doesn’t taste the same at all, so I wound up buying some more chocolate milk when I took my brother to the grocery store.

I’m going to go get a cup of chocolate mild pm and drink it and then try to get some sleep since I haven’t been sleeping good at night lately.

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February 16, 2014

It will soon be eleven-thirty and I am sitting here in the recliner with my grandpuppy in my lap.  He’s starting to get restless because he knows his Moma should be here anytime to get him and take him home.  Since I am now retired, I spend quite a bit of time grandpuppy sitting while his Moma works.

I worked from about eight until twelve this morning and then I came home and started playing the slot machine games on my ipad.  They’re a lot of  diversion for my mind.  I have played them from noon until just a few minutes ago, except for a couple of hours when I went to my son’s house.

I still am concerned about my brother, he just doesn’t act right, and he still is having some trouble getting the words out of his mouth that he is trying to say, and he doesn’t like that at all.

We’re supposed to get some freezing rain starting around midnight tonight.

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February 15, 2014 (2)

I wasn’t going to write anything tonight, but changed my mind.  I babysat one of my grandsons today until 3:00 this afternoon while his daddy worked.  I slept off and on all morning and he was occupied with games on the iPad.  We left home about 12:30 this afternoon and met a lady who had advertised a new set of doggy stairs on craigslist and we’ve been trying to connect all week and something always came up.  We met at McDonald’s.  The stairs were really nice ones, she said her dog wouldn’t use them.

After that we went to Jack in the Box for lunch and my grandson was going to ride home with his dad from there.  I went in to work at my part time job after that and worked for about three and a half hours and then stopped at Arby’s!s for fish sandwiches To bring home.

I could tell this morning that my brother wasn’t feeling good because he was extra grumpy.  He went out to get the mail yesterday afternoon and slipped on the ice in the driveway and fell.  He said he had to crawl to the mailbox in order to gave something to hold on to to get up.  He skinned his knee up pretty good.  He’s starting to get stiff and sore from the fall.  However, I’m a little concerned about him, he seems to have trouble talking today and getting his words out.  He  also seems confused at times.  then tonight while we were sitting here watching tv, he told me he was a little worried because he had got dizzy right before he fell yesterday and he realizes he is having trouble getting his words out of his mouth.  I’m wondering if he might have had a slight stroke.

I’ve sat here all evening doing nothing but playing games on my iPad, therefore, I have wasted my whole evening, but I wouldn’t have done anything anyway.  I caught myself thinking this is Saturday and my weekend is almost over and I haven’t done anything, just like I used to think before I retired, and then I realize I can work on the house next week because I don’t work full time anymore.

I will have to go in to work tomorrow and it will probably take me most of the day to get things finished that I didn’t get done today.  I hope to go in early in the morning and get a fresh start.  I didn’t catch what the weather was supposed to be like though.

It will soon be midnight so I had better get ready for and head to bed and see if I can get any sleep.

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