I’m home now from both jobs, and at least I had a little bit of good news, I had an appointment with my endocronologist this afternoon and my A1C is now down to 7, and, overall, he was pleased, which surprised me because I thought I had been doing really bad the last several weeks.
I was really upset today at work, my supervisor had told me to make sure the supply closet was cleaned out before we leave for the holidays, and that I didn’t have to do it all by myself, that I could get one or two people to help me. Well, when I asked one person to help me, she took over, and got someone to help her and they worked on it almost all day today, and I did what she told me to do, I sat at my desk while the two of them cleaned it out. I am supposed to know everything that is in it and where it’s located, and I can forget that, I’ll just send people to the person who took over and she can tell them if we have something, and where it’s located. I knew where almost everything was before and most of the things that were in there. I had spent several hours working in it earlier this week, and everything that I had organized has been moved.
Once I got off work, and was on my way home, again I had too much time to think. I started thinking again about how hurt I always get when I get close to someone and then then turn on me and just walk off, tossing me aside like an old worn out shoe. That’s happened again in the last several weeks, and I can’t deal with the hurt from it. I just pretty much need to partially withdraw from people to a certain extent, and build a protective wall up around me so that no one can get too close to me and I can’t get too close to them. I know that’s part of why I have been so depressed, but what do you do or say? except that I don’t really know why I am so depressed. I know part of it is the things that I have already talked about, too. I don’t and haven’t really know how to deal with it, but I will just have to figure it out on my own. It hurts bad, but I’ll be okay, I have been told many times in the past that I am a survivor! I guess maybe I have to be in order to have survived all that I have over the past years.
My poor hands look really bad, I wish I had the money for acrylic nails again, I have torn all my nails down to the quick and I’ve been picking at a lot of hangnails. Gong to go for now, and give my poor eyes a break. countrygirl29
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