I just looked at some of the items I had put in draft for a while before I published them and one of them was ‘Why Am I Obsessed with Clouds’ and I thought about all of the clouds that I saw this winter and how very different they were in nature. I wouldn’t have believed or even thought about the fact that clouds are different in the summer than in the winter.
Something my counselor and I talked about made me think that my counseling will soon be over, and I am getting pretty much back to as normal as possible. I don’t really know how I feel about it, I will miss having someone to talk to on a weekly basis, someone with whom I have shared all of my life’s story, and, therefore, someone who understands me and where I am coming from on things. I do feel that I am getting very close to the end. I hope maybe I can continue for a while on a monthly basis. I guess it will be what it will be. I think I have sessions through May, but they may become every two weeks soon instead of weekly.
Yeah!!! I just checked my checking account and my state income tax refund is there and I will be able to pay off two of my smaller bills!!! Yeah to my son for doing my taxes for me last weekend! Maybe the Federal tax refund will be here soon, too. It’s already earmarked for some projects. I think I’m going to have to see if my younest son will bring over his truck soon and we just pile all of the small limbs and branches into it and take it out to my middle son’s house and have a weiner roast.
I opened a recall notice on my van and found there maybe something defective in the ignition part of the car, and to make sure there is nothing on the key ring except the key until it is fixed. They will have the parts in the dealerships around July 15th, and until then, drive carefully.
A friend of my brother’s came up yesterday to spend a few days and my brother called me as I was leaving the counselor’s office and wanted me to meet them at Hardee’s for dinner. I somehow knew there was more to the call that wasn’t said. It didn’t take long once I got there for him to tell me the news that April 15th, is the date he has tentatively set to move back to the country. I’ve really been kind of expecting it. I only ate part of my dinner last night, so am having leftover Mexican food for lunch.
Maybe some of the feelings that I seem to have had and still have, especially on weekends, is the fact that when I have some free time, I don’t know what to do with myself, so I feel like I am depressed. I guess I have only had these feelings since I got married and from then on. Since I wasn’t super interested in sports, I didn’t know what to do with myself while my husband would spend hours at a time catnapping and watching sports and catnapping and watching more sports and I was left to fend for myself and find something to do. Maybe my counselor should read this, maybe this is part of my problem with depression and I need to figure how what to do and how to do it. I don’t want to be gone all the time, I’m already gone a lot between my two jobs. Maybe what I think it depression is really just normal feelings that everyone has but they don’t relate it to depression, but just to life itself.
My brother’s friend said something about barbecuing today or tonight on my grill. That would be nice to come home t. I know it will be later when I get home tonight because I work tonight. I need to find out when to turn in my hours for the month, too.
My brother being here hasn’t been quite like either one of us planned it, don’t get me wrong, we get along fine, but I thought I would have more time talking with him, and he wouldn’t sleep as much and we could bond more, with positive ideas and talking, and going places. I never expected him to be so terrified of being up here. I guess I should have realized the negativity would be here, but he had done do good the first few weeks of controlling it and his temper. I can tell he has been drinking more while he is up here, too. I know he says he’s in pain and hurting, but I also think that alcohol is bringing him down, too. And I know he misses Mom so very much, because she was his whole life, and she will be gone five years next month, it seems hard to believe she’s been gone that long. I told my brother it didn’t seem like it and he said to him it seemed like she has been gone a lot longer than that. I know he has to miss her more than I do, she lived with him and he took care of her from the time he was fifteen until she passed away, and he lets everyone know that, too. He’s proud of that, and I’m proud of him for doing it. He put his own personal life on hold as long as she was alive, and now that she’s gone, he feels he doesn’t have a life anymore.
My lunch time is almost over and I want to do some reading before it’s completely time to get back to work, so guess I will close for now. countrygirl29
I guess your brother plans to have a place to move to by 4/15.
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