Another Letter From a Mourning Mother

My Dear Jeff,

Today is already a hard day for me, tonight is the visitation and funeral for you.  Oh how I miss you.  You saw how losing your older sister only two and a half years ago tore up the family, and I know you are looking down from above with love in your heart for what we are going through again, and so soon.  Your uncle will not be able to be here today, due to truck trouble, and I had counted on and needed him so much, as did your brothers and sister.  I remember when I lost your sister how much encouragement and strength and support he gave to all of us, and now I feel like I am going to go through this evening by myself, there is no one else I feel close enough to, and no one that will be there the whole time.  I did get a good night’s sleep, and was able to sleep in my bed in the room across from yours last night for  the first time since losing you.

My Jeff, my heart is breaking this morning, and I am anxious, not really knowing what to do with myself until time to get ready to go, that’s why I stopped to take the time to write you this love letter.  I will fix some coffee pretty soon and sip on it and remember you.

I did not get a chance to tell you what I saw Saturday on my way home from work, because you were gone from me before I could tell you.  While I was at a stoplight, a white dove flew across the road in front of me and was gone.  I kept looking for it or another one, it was so unusual to see.  I remember thinking, that’s strange, is that a sign that someone who I know is going to die today, and thought I want to remember this white dove.  When I saw it fly, I immediately thought of the TV show ‘Touched by an Angel’.  Little did I know or ever think about the fact that it might be you that I would be losing.

I took the rest of the clothes that they needed for you to the funeral home, as well as some pictures of you, although I did not have many of you after you went to live with your dad when you were fifteen.  Then I panicked, I had forgotten to get flowers for the top of your casket!  When I came out from the flower shop, I  noticed a screw was in my tire and was making it lose air, so had to have it fixed.

I went out to your brother’s house where everyone was gathered for a while, I could tell he needed me there, too, your younger sister was there, and I was so glad of that, because I am very worried about her.  You know how close the two of you were, and especially after losing Jennifer.

I must go for now, with all my love to you and your sister and to my Mom, will write again soon,

Mom, aka countrygirl29

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